


100 Days Without You

by orphan_account



Series: Gallavich Drabble [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, post 7x11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2016-12-12
Packaged: 2018-09-08 02:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8827240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mickey saw Ian for the last time 100 days ago.
3 months.
14 weeks.
2,400 hours.
144,000 minutes.
But he was okay.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Im so sorry?????

Mickey saw Ian for the last time 100 days ago.

3 months.

14 weeks.

2,400 hours.

144,000 minutes.

But he was okay.

After crossing into Mexico without any problems, Mickey went to his planned housing. A guy he had met in prison, Samuel, had an aunt that lived there and she agreed to let Mickey stay with her. He supposes Samuel put in a good word for him considering whenever he got there, she had a big meal cooked for him and Ian.

Only, Ian didn't come.

“I thought you were bringing your boyfriend?” Rose asked as soon as Mickey came inside.

Her home was nice. Very homey feeling and warm, though he guesses he would've thought the same about a motel after having slept in a car for so long.

His heart was continuously breaking, but Mickey managed to speak without his voice cracking.

“He, uh, changed his mind.” Mickey said sadly, looking over to the kitchen where he could see the entire table filled with all kinds of food and drink with three places set. Mickey could feel his eyes tearing up, but he took a deep breath, letting it out long and slow as he forced the tears away. “Im sorry you spent so much time cooking for three. I really thought he’d come.”

Rose must've noticed how torn up he was over it and gave him a sad look, embracing him into a hug. “Don’t worry, was no trouble at all. Samuel tells me you are a good man, you deserve good things, Mickey. You may not have him here, but you can sleep tonight knowing you are safe.”

Usually, Mickey would be livid over someone talking to him like that, but he couldn't be this time. He couldn't even speak because she was right. He didn’t have Ian, but he made it and he would be okay.

The first night was the hardest. Ian had kept messaging him and saying sorry, but Mickey didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to look at anything Ian texted him, or listen to his voice say how much he loved him even if they weren't together right now.

He didn’t to keep being reminded that he wasn't going to see Ian again.

It was more than enough that his heart felt like it was breaking into tiny, microscopic pieces.

The first week had been like that. Mickey kept ignoring all of Ian’s messages and pleas, but he ended up reading them. Ian was back home and managed to get his job back. He seemed sad over his messages, but when Mickey heard one of the voicemails he left, Mickey knew he was torn up too.

_“Im sorry, Mick. Please talk to me, or at least tell me you're okay. I cant stop thinking about you being caught or about something bad happening to you. But, I guess you're fine since your phone isn’t dead. Must be charging it. I really was gonna go with you. I guess along the way I just realized what I was leaving behind. It all became more real to me. What you said about your family never being there for you and how you weren't really leaving them behind got me thinking — that’s what I was doing.”_

He could tell that Ian’s voice was broken over the line, probably from holding back tears.

_“You’re the only one who’s had my back, too, but I couldn't leave my family. I love you and I miss you every second, but I couldn’t do that to them. Not when theres a chance we would never come back.”_ Ian sniffled and began crying, making Mickey break and finally letting the tears fall as he sat alone in his new, dark bedroom. _“Monica died. I found out when I got back. I lost you and her at the same time and I feel like I cant breathe.”_ It was quiet for a few moments and Mickey thought the voice mail was over with until Ian took a deep breath, _“Just please call me. I cant take it if you hate me. I love you.”_

Mickey sat his phone down and buried his head in his hands. Fucking Ian Gallagher, under his fucking skin and in his head all the time, fucking making him cry. Mickey didn't want to love Ian. He knew he’d never see the redhead again and Mickey wasn't ready to deal with that. He didn't want to have to move on either, though. No matter what, Mickey knew he didn't have a choice. He couldn't go back to Chicago and fight for Ian, or even make him feel better about Monica. He couldn't kiss Ian’s lips, or feel his smile during. He couldn't hold Ian’s hand or wake up with him in the mornings.

Mickey couldn't do anything.

He picked up the phone again and typed out a message before laying down and staring at the ceiling.

All he ever wanted was to hear Ian say he loved him, and now that he finally has, Mickey hated himself for wanting it. It was harder being away from him while knowing.

_To: Ian – im sorry about your mom._

****

  
Two weeks in Mexico was still hard. Every time he went out to explore the town, he found stuff that he knows Ian would wanna see. A few times, Mickey wanted to take a picture and send it to the boy, but he never did. He didn't want to give Ian the satisfaction of knowing how badly he was hurting. Things hadn't gotten any easier for Mickey, but he would bet Ian was just fine. He had his family and boyfriend probably, and what did Mickey have?

He had nobody.

He had a cellphone with a photo of him and Ian as the background because he can't bring himself to change it.

He didn't want to.

Rose was looking at some handmade bags for sale when Mickey saw a baseball bat sitting in the corner of an American themed store. It was a small taste of home and Mickey couldn't help himself from looking around. But the baseball bat only reminded him of little league and when he and Ian went to the dugouts.

Everything came back to Ian it seemed.

The hurt in his chest was feeling strong and Mickey wondered if he would just collapse right there, but he didn’t.

Though he wishes he would. Maybe it would make things easier.

Maybe he wouldn't be hurting so bad.

Before anyone could see, Mickey wiped his eyes and quickly exited the store, going to wait by Rose’s car. He couldn't be around anyone and honestly just wanted to go lay underneath the bed blankets and cry.

Rose didn't say anything when she came out to the car and drove Mickey back, but he knew she knew what was wrong.

Mickey didn't think it would ever get easier.

How was he supposed to be fine with living without Ian when the mere thought of him was all that got Mickey through prison?

The memories and wonder if Ian loved him back, or if they would see each other again and pick up where they left off when he got out, or if Ian was taking his medication like he should be.

His very being was composed of nothing but Ian Gallagher and Mickey didn't know how to survive.

****

  
Three weeks passed by and Mickey had found a job. The money Ian left him would only last so long and Mickey felt guilty every time he spent it. Ian worked so hard for this money and Mickey felt like an asshole for taking it with him, even if Ian wanted him to.

The messages from Ian were still an everyday thing. A voicemail at night to tell Mickey he was sorry and give an update on how things were going, and text messages throughout the day. It was mostly just to tell Mickey he missed him or asking if he was okay.

But Mickey hadn't replied since he found out Monica died.

It wasn't anything fancy, but it was a job. A legit one where Mickey didn't do anything illegal to make his money.

A garage near Rose’s house had been hiring and she told Mickey about it over dinner one night.

“I don’t know if you have any experience with cars or not, but I do know that it might help you feel better. Feel more normal and at home, you know?” Rose explained as she watched Mickey move his food around with his fork.

She was sad for him. Long ago she had lost her husband and she knew how hard it was to deal with loss. While Ian may not be dead, she could tell Mickey was taking it probably just as hard.

“Yeah. I’ll check it out.” Mickey nodded, picking up his plate and going to the kitchen to wrap it up for later. He wasn't feeling up to eating right now.

“Thanks for dinner, Rose. Im gonna go shower, if that’s okay.” He said when he came back into the dining room.

“You don’t have to ask, Mickey. This is your home, too.” Rose gave him a small smile and turned away from him to keep eating.

Right. His home too.

It was supposed to be his and Ian’s, but only for a few weeks until they got a place of their own.

But that wasn't going to be happening now.

Mickey stood under warm water with his eyes closed and flashes of red kept screaming at him. Ian’s smile, Ian’s laugh, Ian’s kisses, Ian’s sounds, Ian’s hands in Mickey’s hair; everything.

Mickey spent the rest of his shower letting the water rinse tears off of his face.

This isn’t how Mexico was supposed to be.

He wasn't supposed to lose Ian again.

Especially not for good.

****

  
A month.

A month has passed since he said goodbye to Ian at the border and Mickey was still sad, but he was okay.

He thought about Ian every single day and had even replied to another text message.

Ian had told him about a nightmare he had where Mickey had died.

_From: Ian – please just tell me you're okay. I need you to say it._

Only a few minutes had passed when Mickey had replied ‘ _Im_ _fine_ , _Gallagher_.’

Work was going good. Mickey had made some friends and they had all planned to go out for drinks one night, but Mickey wasn't ready.

They didn't know about Ian, but they knew why Mickey was in Mexico.

Antonio, a buff man who was actually nicer than he looked, told Mickey he had made a mistake coming there.

“You'll never be able to go back, homie. Not unless you get a passport with a fake name and shit. I can hook you up if you need. My cousin Enrique knows a guy.”

Mickey considered it for a while. Would it actually be that bad going back? Surely he could keep himself hidden well enough to live freely, but not be caught.

He could see Ian, too.

That thought alone was almost worth going back even if he ended up in prison again.

“I'll let you know.” Was all Mickey replied to Antonio.

Mickey had also maybe found somewhere to live that wasn't with Rose.

There was a house for rent near the shop and Mickey would be close enough to just walk to work everyday instead of depending on Rose or carpooling with the guys.

Mickey had even gone in and took a look at the house. It was great, really. Not too small, decent sized yard, and even had built in AC and heating.

But Mickey couldn't stop picturing Ian in it. Would Ian even like it? Would Ian want to live there if he had come with Mickey?

Ian Gallagher had ruined him.

****

  
The second month was hard. Ian hadn't texted Mickey every day like he had before and Mickey was worried Ian was moving on.

It was selfish, but Mickey didn't want him to. He wanted Ian to be laying in bed crying over him every night just like Mickey was. He wanted Ian to see his face every time he stepped out onto the front porch where Mickey had stood a few feet from on the day that their lives changed forever. Mickey wanted Ian to hurt.

He was angry at Ian. Somehow, his own sadness and hurt had turned into anger.

Mickey was getting into arguments at work and snipping at Rose when she tried to talk about Ian with him.

He was fucking livid every day, but every night, when he was alone, Mickey cried some more.

He was still heart broken and he just wanted to forget about Ian, even if it meant forgetting the good stuff, because then Mickey wouldn't have to feel like this.

It was a suffocating pain that left Mickey gasping for air as his pillow became wet with tears.

An intense pain that didn't ever seem to let up.

Why did everything in Mickey’s life always turn to shit? What did he do to deserve this?

Was it the way he hurt Sammi? Was it some sort of karma he was feeling?

Whatever it was, Mickey didn't like it.

 ****

 

_To: Ian – I miss u_

Mickey was drunk. He was home alone while Rose was pulling a double shift at the hospital she worked at and Mickey was gone. He was sitting in his dark bedroom on the bed, bottle of tequila between his legs, and the phone in his hands.

It was gonna come to this eventually. It had been almost three months since he last saw Ian.

Mickey would admit that the hurt was slowly disappearing, or maybe he was just getting used to it and was forming a numbness that he wasn't aware of, but whatever it was, Mickey was still missing Ian.

He missed Ian’s voice.

Something Mickey was afraid he was going to forget.

_From: Ian – I miss you too. Are you okay?_

_To: Ian – little drunk_

_To: Ian – but I guess_

_To Ian – I just miss u and it hurts me a lot._

Before Mickey knew it, he was crying to Ian over the phone.

_“Im sorry. I really do love you. I always will. I wish you were here. I wish I could make you understand why I didn’t go with you. I would've if things were different. You're the only person Ive ever loved Mickey, there's nobody else id rather spend my life with, but I love my family too. They're important to me.”_

Ian’s words made Mickey cry even more, but also made Mickey feel a little better. Almost three months had gone by and Ian still loved him.

Life was unfair to them. Both of them. He and Ian were crying on the phone to each other and somehow it felt like that was exactly what Mickey needed.

Sometimes love wasn't enough. He knew that.

He just wished he and Ian were the exception.

****

  
Ever since that phone call, he and Ian talk a few times a week. Both on the phone and over text message.

Mickey told him about the job he had and Ian told him about the stuff he’s been up to the last three months.

Mickey was still broken, but he was okay enough that he had finally stopped crying so much.

He even moved into the house near his work.

When he showed Ian over Skype one night, Ian said it was wonderful and that he would've loved to live there with Mickey.

Mickey still hadn't changed the background of his phone from a photo of him and Ian, but Mickey learned that Ian had the same problem.

Neither of them could let the other go.

Seeing each other again might never happen, but Mickey knew that their love was real. He understood why Ian didn't come and it might hurt to think of him never seeing Ian again, but he was glad that Ian was doing good.

Maybe they weren't meant to be together forever or to have their happy ending, but it didn't mean that they had to give each other up completely.

It wasn't a long distance relationship, but it wasn't just a friendship either.

They were in love and just needed to keep in contact.

Maybe this is all they were ever supposed to be. 


End file.
